Parents

I have always wanted this relationship with my mother where i come home and tell her everything about my day and my silly situations i do, and about guys i like, but i never see myself doing that in a hundred years. My mother also wants that, and she feels alone, since i am like her only daughter, and i think she likes girls, she always wanted another daughter. But she is so judgmental in everything, so i know when i am gonna tell her stuff she is gonna tell me this is wrong and bla bla bla, so i never tell her anything, i just talk to my friends because i always feel the need that i need to talk, to tell my problems, even if they mean nothing to them.  In my country, there are certain rules about how to deal with guys, not to sit alone with him, not to go out together, the talking should be limited, etc..I know i am not doing anything wrong when i talk to guys, but my dad is too strict. He always tells me if there is a gathering and some of my guy friends are there, then i shouldn't go, because it is not polite to sit like that. Well i think it is wrong as long as i am just sitting and hanging out. Everything i do in the house, my dad gets suspicious and i have no idea why. He warned me not to have a boyfriend ever, because this is one of the restricted things.
I never wanted to have a boyfriend actually, i always see movies and tv shows and yeah i love the couples there, doing stuff for each other and being all cute and all, and sometimes i want that. I want that someone to love me and care about me, there is no shame in saying that out loud. Everyone now is either getting a boyfriend or getting engaged or even getting married, and i am just here sitting beside my parents.
When i did want to get a job, to get new experience and know some new people, my dad said no, with an apparent excuse, just a no. I seriously hate that, other parents would force their kids to get a job so they can depend on themselves.
I am always feeling hurt, i feel hurt right now, i want to travel, to drop out of college, i don't see a use of the education since apparently my dad wants me beside him forever, my life is just boring sitting in front of the laptop watching and watching and watching. Watching has always been my escapism and addiction in this world, through tv shows and movies i live the life that i can't live right now.. 

Ideas

So new thoughts here. I think that i am in love with one of my colleagues in college, but i just can't tell him. He is my best friend and i think we friend zone each other. My best friend always asks me why do i like him, but i actually can't find an answer to that. Is that normal ? I don't know, when i say he is funny and caring she tells me he is not. I actually think i know him better than anyone, and i know that i am very close to him, but he is from the guys that talks to lots of girls and confidence of himself and that if a girl wants him, she will come to him. He doesn't usually start things. I don't know if i ever gonna tell him or not. But i actually think that he knows, or the thought came to his mind that maybe i like him, but i treat him just as best friend, i do friend zone him too.
 I have no idea what falling in love is like, i don't know if me right now is this or not. I feel like my heart is aching, my mind is just thinking about him, like he said he is gonna talk to me, but he doesn't, because of his confidence stuff. And i really think about him like everyday, about situations we have been through together, and the laughs and the jokes and annoying each other..God why people have to be that confusing ? I just wish that everything would be much simpler because i am tired of this.
I don't know lots of guys and he is the only one i see myself with. He is a good one, only if he didn't play with girls that much. 

Purpose

Hello guys. So today i opened facebook and i was surfing through the home page, when i saw the page of Bethany Hamilton showing her baby bump and having fun on the beach with her friends. I saw her and i thought about my purpose in life. You see, she has only one hand, yet she still can surf because she loves it and she does everything to make it work. I really want to have a purpose in life, to do something hard and get tired because of it, and then i feel like i really did something successful. I don't study hard at college, because i am not convinced with what we are taking in our semesters, i think it is actually too little and it is not going to help us in anything else in real life. Most of the professors don't let us talk about our own opinion, to make us actually think, only a few. And the problem is that we are used to memorizing stuff and writing them in the exam just to succeed since school. And i am from those people who can memorize easily to succeed and sometimes i hate that. If i can get into another school now outside, i would do it in a blink of an eye..I seriously want to learn something that is going to be useful for me after that. Maybe to learn how to teach people in a new way, to think of my own opinion and sharing it even if i think it is silly. Also i have been doing presentations for three years now, and i still didn't get over my fear of presenting. I seriously suck at that, and i wanted to be more confident of myself. I really wanted to take an Italian course to learn a new language from the beginning, but my dad said no, because of his doubts that are going to destroy my life one day, because when i told him, he told me " so who are you going to meet there ? " like seriously dad i want to go there to learn. I have this dream of travelling to most of the countries and i would need languages to communicate with people there. I know it would be hard to do it while having someone like my dad, but i am trying not to give up on this dream..So have a purpose everyone, chase it and do everything in your power to make it happen, because if i were in your place and i have everything in my hands to do what i want, i would do it in a second. 
Have a good day :) xo  

Family

Good morning everyone. Today is the second of May and i hope you're enjoying this amazing weather if you have it, and if you don't, try to do anything to make the day. So i think most of the people have families, even if they are adopted. They are the people that make you feel loved, although i know some families kick their kids out of the house, and i don't know how they do that. Because every mother and father should love their kids no matter what, not to get married and have children and then you discover that you hate that. My family is good. They love me and try to do everything for me and my brothers. But sometimes i feel like i should be connected to them more. I see movies, i see my friends and they talk to their parents about anything and they do discuss them in a logical way, but i don't have that with my parents, because they have restrictions about some stuff and they can be over-protective. So i know what i am doing is right, but in their eyes, they just see it all wrong. Like talking to boys, my dad doesn't want me to mingle with them much, but all he says that he once was a guy like them and he knows what happens. I refuse that, if everything happened in the exact same way, then nothing new would have happened in this world, and everything would be just the same and boring, i see that i should talk to guys, put my own limits and there it is, nothing wrong with that. Also i sometimes have trips but my dad says no, because he is afraid that something might happen to me and get hurt. I understand his point of view, but if i lived like that my whole life, afraid of doing stuff like that, my life would be much more boring as it already is. I want to live my life, to go on trips with my friends, do crazy stuff and one day i would be telling those stories to my children and grandchildren. I want to travel and see the world, to know new people, maybe meet the love of my life and have my own family. I hope that i would raise them in a good way, i would stuff like my parents did with me, but for sure some things are gonna be changed. I would put limits to them, but they would also feel free to talk to me about stuff, not like me now not knowing what to do.
if you have any stories about your family please feel free to share.
Have a good day people xo. 

First blog

Hello everyone, my name is Nada. I am 20 years old. As you can see this is my first blog here. I thought about writing my thoughts and memories, anything i want to, because you know, nothing is ever erased from the internet. So first i will talk a little about myself, maybe this will help you to feel a little connected. I am in college, third year, English major. It has been fun studying English though it can hard sometimes. I can say that college has been the best phase in my life till now, i have known the best people there. I have got really close to some people and i would never imagine my life without them now. They would help me in my good and bad times, i would feel like talking with them about anything. Now let's move on to another subject, being an English major made me think about writing, that maybe someday i want to be a writer, but not just writing fictions, i want to travel the world to learn new culture, see new stuff and eat wonderful food and write about all that. I actually love typing on my keyboard, and i love writing with my pen, i could write for hours and never get tired. But i feel like i don't write very well. I see my friends write some stuff and i think that they are much better than mine. If anyone reading this and you know about writing, maybe you would tell me your opinion about my structure of writing and if i need to change some stuff, i would be thankful..
This is enough for today and tomorrow i am gonna talk about another subject.
Good night people xo.